Tales from the Hood

Ah, the amusing nature of small-town crime. We got a free copy of our town newspaper yesterday, which they hoped would entice us to subscribe. Hmm...tough decision. This 30-page paper includes seven full pages of ads (and lots of additional ads scattered among the 'news', as well), ten pages of classifieds, and two pages of 'letters to the editor'. The front page news was an article on the latest attempt by the town council to raise the wastewater rates. By $1.82 per month (for us, at least). Oh boy. The only redeeming quality of small-town papers is the police blotter. Those are usually gold. Here are a few gems from the Boerne paper - which I swear are reproduced here word for word:

Friday, March 24, 2:02 a.m. - One of two suspicious juveniles sitting in a van outside a complaintant's residence turned out to be her son.

Monday, March 27, 7:41 p.m. - A plastic egg left on a front porch inscribed with the words "Caution, open at own risk" contained animal excrement.

Saturday, April 1, 10:28 p.m. - A small campfire received a verbal warning and was extinguished.

Sunday, April 2, 9:13 p.m. - The ice cream man's cacophony gave the caller a headache, and he asked that the guy chill.

I think they speak for themselves, no?

One thought on “Tales from the Hood”

  1. Ouch, banging on the small town newspaper. Thank goodness I work for a medium sized town newspaper… 😉
    “A small campfire received a verbal warning and was extinguished. ”
    Wouldn’t that be the dealth penalty for a small fire? Seems a steep jump between verbal warning and the dealth penalty.

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